It is Oscar Time Again!

The Empty Nesters made their annual pilgrimage to the Hollywood and Highland complex to view preparations for Sunday evening’s Academy Awards.  We strolled the red carpet just like the stars will…ok, minus a fabulous designer gown, fancy hair, make up, 6 inch heels and the media watching our every move!

Living in Los Angeles, known as a “company town,” is always a kick during awards season.  Roads are closed, traffic is diverted, and limousines and celebrities are everywhere.  Go to a Starbucks in Beverly Hills or Brentwood around Oscar time and you are sure to see someone famous.  One of our children got to see a very very pregnant A lister and her adorable daughter having a casual lunch at a local hangout while the empty nesters were faux strolling the red carpet!  Life in lala land.

It is a far cry from life anywhere else, especially Long Island, NY where Jill grew up.  Unlike now with the Oscars at the end of February, back in the day the show was in mid April.  Instead of starting at 5:30 PM PT (8:30 ET) it was at 7PM PT (10 ET). Since it was a school night, deals had to be made to stay awake during the interminably long show that ended waaay after bed time!  There was no pre show or pre pre show with insipid questions and even more bland answers.  And seeing celebrities at Starbucks was unheard of…come to think of it, Starbucks was unheard of.

While this year’s awards don’t seem to be generating the excitement of  past years, we can tell you that it is fun to imagine yourself strolling alongside Brangelina, George and Stacy, Jean  Dujardin and Uggie, wonder if Woody will attend and ponder what schtick Billy Crystal will create as host.   With the Golden Globes, SAG awards, BAFTAs already presented, we may think we know the winners but there are always surprises.  Did we say we are looking forward to the close ups of Brad and George in the audience?

Watch the Oscars on Sunday night at 5:30 PT on ABC and listen to the empty nesters every Wednesday at 11AM LIVE or in the archives anytime on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters.

Words With Friends

Hosting The Empty Nesters Radio Show has provided the opportunity to meet many interesting people. Jeffrey Zaslow was such a guest. His book The Last Lecture co authored with Carnegie Mellon professor Randy Pausch shot him to fame.  He came on the show to talk about his book The Girls From Ames, a story of enduring female friendships. The world was saddened to hear of his recent passing at age 53 due to a car accident. Exploring the topic of female friendships brought Irene Levine to the program. Her book Best Friends Forever was real food for thought. We women are social creatures by nature. From our anthropological roots to our current fascination with social media, we have the need to connect with others. The journey through our friendships is filled with laughter and tears, wonder and heartbreak. From the schoolyard to the boardroom, from the sorority to the PTA, we do as we learned in kindergarten- we make new friends and keep the old (one is silver and the other gold). Our friends immeasurably enrich our lives. They are there to counsel us on our love lives and fashion sense. They validate our parenting skills from diapers to driver’s licenses. Throughout our lives we lose touch with some and add others. Sometimes the change is organic and natural. Sometimes an unfortunate incident ends the friendship. And then there is the death of a friendship that doesn’t seem to make any sense. Time passes and the awkwardness of the absence grows deeper. Do we question our now estranged friend as to what may have gone wrong? Do we really want to know? Do we ask mutual friends to intercede? Can we move forward or has time eroded the memories? Will our action (or inaction) be a regret at the end of our lives? Is life too short or does everything have a season? Ironically, it is our friends to whom we turn to help us answer the questions.

Join the Empty Nesters on the weekly broadcast to solve some of life's tricky situations. The Accidental Housewife, Julie Edelman, will be the featured guest on Wednesday, February 22nd show. Listen LIVE at 11am PT or anytime in the archives.http://www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters/2012/02/22/the-empty-nesters

The Children Are Our Future

If you are an empty nester or a baby boomer, you probably remember the first time you ever heard the glorious voice of Whitney Houston.  We still recall the 1986 Grammy Awards when she was introduced by Kris Kristofferson and proceeded to bring down the house singing “Saving All My Love For You.”  The look on Kristofferson’s face after Whitney performed mirrored what was going on in every home in America at that moment….where did that otherworldly sound come from???

Much has been written about Whitney’s many gifts and demons these past few days.  How can someone who worked so hard and rose so high with over 400 awards, 170 million in album sales, a successful film career, lose it all at the age of 48?  Sadly, she is not the first star who has succumbed to her dark side.  But in Whitney’s case her gifts were so extraordinary that you could not help but hope that somehow she would find her way back to health.  Word about her new film, “Sparkle,” to be released in August, was so positive that perhaps it could have been a turning point.

  Many say that Whitney’s downward spiral began with her marriage to Bobby Brown in 1992.  Yet, her movie blockbuster “The Bodyguard” was released in 1992 and the soundtrack from that film brought the world unforgettable music, including her iconic recording of Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You.”  Watching Whitney’s 1994 rendition of the song at the beginning of the 2012 Grammys sends chills down the spine!

The outpouring of love at Sunday night’s Grammys was moving, but where was everyone while Whitney was clearly struggling? To watch the video of her final performance night at Tru Hollywood Nightclub singing with Kelly Price was painful and reports of her reeking of alcohol and looking dishelved at the club and at the Beverly Hilton Hotel indicates there were many clues that she was not in the best of shape. 

Singing is such a precise art that when a performer nails a note, you cannot miss it, and the same applies when they don't nail it, especially if you are familiar with the music.   Clearly, Whitney has not been the Whitney of “I Will Always Love You” for a very long time.   Perhaps everyone who she was close to tried to help and she was simply unable to get herself clean.  However it all happened, it doesn’t change the fact that Cissy Houston lost her daughter, Bobbi Kristina lost her mother, Dionne Warwick lost her niece, and the world lost a truly gifted artist.  Whitney, thank you for sharing your gifts with us.  RIP.

Please join the empty nesters LIVE on Wednesday February 15 at 11AM PT when we talk with   "Secrets of People Who Never Get Sick" author Gene Stone on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters  You can listen to every show, anytime simply by clicking on the above show link and going to the archives!

Transitions Happen at Every Age!

This empty nest journey is certainly a long strange trip.

When our oldest left for college, there was the first inkling that
things would never quite be the same.  After the second (or 3^rd or 4^th if you have more children) left for college, often you could hear a pin drop in the house. The crazy
uncertainty of a full house with young adults coming and going became
incredibly subdued, even boring.  Life went on but in a much different way,
with a reboot at every holiday and summer vacation.  After 10
years of our children, now young adults, coming and going, making old friends, new
friends, love connections, choosing career paths and searching for
their place in the world, as parents we cannot help but  try to give them
guidance, albeit with a little more distance.

The passing of Jill's stepmother in November offered a lesson that no
matter how old you are, change is just as much a certainty for a baby
boomer, as it is for a young adult, or even an active 90 year old.

Imagine being 90, actually 91, and having to change your whole life?  We often complain about the minutiae in our lives and whine about construction delays (of which they are everywhere in LA) or having to juggle many things at once.  But we baby boomers are blessed with resilience, strength, and relative youth to work around the mundane.

What do you say to your (thank God healthy) 91 year old dad who has lost his partner of 50 years and has to rethink all he has known, a lifelong New Yorker considering a 3,000 mile move to be closer to his west coast family?  With few options available, the message is change your life dad!!!  We are known as the sandwich generation for a reason and at the same time we try and guide our children to make smart intelligent decisions, we sometimes find ourselves in the same role with our parents.  Who woulda thunk?

The sadness of loss does have a silver lining… the possibility that distant grandchildren (and great grandchildren) may have some very precious time to get to know their grandfather.  

The joy of watching a nonagenarian make new friends and try new activities brings almost as much satisfaction as when our kids were on their first playdates, developing their own friendships. Transitions are difficult at any age and we applaud those with the courage to move forward.

This empty nest time of life is a long strange journey and the more things change, the more they are the same.

Join the empty nesters at 11AM Wednesdays on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters.  On February 1, we will be joined by Anna Lefler, award winning writer and humorist and author of "The Chicktionary: From A-Line to Z-Snap, The Words Every Woman Should Know."
If you cannot listen LIVE, you can always find us anytime by clicking on the above link or podcast on itunes!

Tale as Old as Time, Song as Old as Rhyme, Beauty and the Beast

Twenty years ago I sat in a dark movie theater with my four year old daughter watching Disney Pictures' Beauty and the Beast. The animation, the musical score and the timeless love story were mesmerizing to the both of us. We were not alone. Beauty and the Beast was the first animated movie to be nominated for a Best Picture Academy Award. It held the honor until 2009 when the Best Picture field of nominations rose from 5 to 10 and Pixar's Up received a nod. When the VHS tape was released almost a year later (so many things wrong/outdated with that sentence) it was quickly added to our home collection. My little girl, like so many of her friends, wanted to be the book-loving, kind soul Belle for Halloween. I sewed her a beautiful yellow confection of a gown. Of course, she wanted the $19.99 store bought dress. Fast forward to 2012. Disney recently released the timeless classic, newly remastered in 3-D. This time I went to the theater without my girl in tow. (She was at her grown up teaching job). Again I was captivated by the film. I walked away wondering where the last two decades have gone. The girls in the photo are college graduates and career women now. They spent their childhoods watching movies with strong and beautiful and often motherless (that's a topic for another essay) heroines. They've had educations and adventures and have dated prince charmings. Yet, I have a feeling that when I invite them to see the movie with me this weekend, they will once again be the girls wearing the yellow gowns.

I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now

This weekend marks a significant anniversary in my life. My life was saved exactly half a lifetime ago. I was 27 years old 27 years ago when I was diagnosed with colon cancer. I had no family history. I was young , healthy and fit- not exactly a high risk candidate. Yet there I was, spending the 1984 holiday season being probed and tested for a variety of symptoms that had grown too worrisome  to ignore. Sudden weight loss ( at 27  I wasn't going to question  that one !), fatigue and crippling abdominal pain were more than just stress due to a hectic season and home remodel. As the saying goes," Father (and Mother) knows best." My parents took one look at me and knew I needed to seek medical advice. Through a series of  tests, the cancer was diagnosed. Stage 2. Still treatable. Phew. The tumor was surgically removed in January of 1985. I needed blood transfusions at a time when AIDS was known, but blood banks did not yet screen donations. It turned out that my immediate family and I do not have the same blood type so my friends rallied. Even friends of friends including the big, strong football playing father of my college roommates who paled at the sight of blood. I am so thankful. Surgery, an extended hospital stay and consultations for follow up treatment ( what do you do with a young woman with a disease that occurs primarily in an older population?) not to mention recuperation consumed the  next few months. The medical team that cared for me  was wonderful. I am thankful they never questioned or dismissed my symptoms. I cannot begin to fathom the pain and fear that my parents must have felt. They spent each day and evening at my bedside sandwiching the hospital visits into their own work schedules. They were unwavering in their care and love as they still are today. My husband, who did not marry until his late 30's, certainly wasn't expecting his younger wife to face a life threatening disease. He stepped out of his worried husband role to become my advocate extraordinaire. This was in the pre - internet era when research and communication were done painstakingly  over the telephone. I am beyond thankful for him.
Years have passed, literally half of my life, yet few days go by when I do not think of my journey. My surgical scar, running from stem to stern, is a reminder and a badge of courage. I don't wear my past on my sleeve. I'm sure many of my current friends may not even be aware of my history. I do speak of the importance of screening, especially since we have passed the mid century age. It concerns me that my own children are in a higher risk category because of me, but I am thankful that medical advances are such that this disease is treatable. At my age I have lived long enough to have lost friends to disease. I am thankful that each January 14th passes and I am here to live another blessed year.

Hello Goodbye

We Empty Nesters shared our time honored tradition of spending New Year's Eve together, saying goodbye to 2011 with all her joys and sorrows, and welcoming 2012 fresh with promise. We've spent the last day of the year together every year since the mid 90's. Back in the last century when the kids were younger, the celebrations were family affairs- bowling, movies, comedy clubs, ski vacations- lots of memories were created and shared. As the kids got older they made their own plans, but we Nesters continued to spend the special evening together.

2011 was filled with the joys of our offsprings' accomplishments- a couple of college degrees ( B.A. , M.A. ), admission to graduate and professional programs, continued success in a demanding undergraduate field- things that make the Nesters very proud parents. The year also brought personal loss. As members of the Baby Boom generation, we are sandwiched between aging parents and emerging adults. As part of the great circle of life we find ourselves attending funerals way too often. 2011 was no exception.
As we welcome the new year we pause to reflect the past and resolve for the future. We dream, we set goals and hopefully on December 31, 2012 we will raise a glass to celebrate all the good in our lives.