The Bling Ring

The Empty Nest syndrome refers to feelings of sadness experienced by parents after children leave their childhood homes. The truth be told, we have found the anticipation of the empty nest to be far worse than the reality and most people we have spoken to on the subject enjoy the freedom and quiet in the house. Who knew?

The Style Section in last Sunday’s New York Times (www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/fashion/15bling.html) had an article about a different kind of empty nest experience. Jewelry and clothing items were stolen from the homes of Lindsay Lohan, Orlando Bloom, Paris Hilton, Rachel Bilson, and other celebrities. The suspects in the case? A group of 18 and 19 year old LA residents, four women and two men, who used popular celebrity web sites to determine when their victims would be attending events and out of their homes. One of the suspects was arrested on the set of her own reality show.

Think what you will but in a bizarre way, this was pretty creative. Too bad these creative impulses were not channeled in a more constructive direction.

We started wondering how the parents of these young adults must be feeling right now. We all try to raise our kids to be decent adults, hoping to teach them the values and tools necessary to make the right decisions. Los Angeles is a tough place to grow up. The haves do flaunt it here. Yet, is our culture so celebrity obsessed...hey we admit we need our weekly fix of Us and People…that the lines blur and we often want what we cannot have at any cost? Now the support needed will be payments to lawyers and appearances in court.

As parents of young adults the same age as the suspects in “The Bling Ring” we imagine that the families involved must be scratching their heads wondering what went wrong. At least we hope so. It is another reminder that even though our offspring have reached the age of adulthood, they still need parental guidance and our “job’ isn’t quite finished.

Join the empty nesters Wed, November 18th at 11:00AM PT on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters when they learn how to take care of aging parents from Bonnie Davis, elder care advisor from A Place For Mom.

The First Cut Is The Deepest

Reaching the stage of an empty nest means that you have been a parental unit for a long time. You watched your child grow through many different stages from infancy to young adult. Most of us are not well prepared for any milestone and we wing it as best we can with as much support as we can muster. One stage none of us is ever ready for is that of a broken heart.

Admittedly young love is one of the sweetest of emotions and raging hormones roar with gusto throughout high school and college age years. Recently announced sexual etiquette rules issued by Tufts University only serves to remind us of what goes on in many college dorm rooms. Sadly, and almost always, the passion of that first romance doesn’t last forever. Boys and girls become men and women and through that evolution the balance of a relationship can change imperceptibly, but enough to create a schism too wide to fix.

With the national divorce rate at 50%, who among us has not had a broken heart or two or three? Hopefully, we have grieved, healed, and moved on to find someone better suited to who we are. But we never forget our first true love and as Sheryl Crow says, the first cut is the deepest.

If our son or daughter shares their heartache with us, it is important to guide them through the stages of grief and help them understand that their life has only just begun. There will be love again. It may not come immediately but eventually they will pick themselves up, heal, and move on. In some cases parental love and support is not enough and outside help is necessary. We need to be on our toes and know when to step in. As our children continue on their journey towards independence, there is still an important role for us to play.

Join the empty nesters Wednesday, November 4^th at 11AMPT on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters when they talk to yoga instructor extraordinaire and new empty nester, Susan Wyler. YOGA ROCKS

The Sound of Music

For the typical empty nester, the weekend is the time the house is most noticeably quiet. Weekdays are filled with routine: work, dry cleaners, meetings, business phone calls, banking; you know the drill.

Where every Saturday and Sunday was once filled with soccer, baseball, piano lessons and birthday parties (all of us at one time or another complained about those weekly celebrations, admit it!) the weekend of an empty nester requires more thought and planning. From the time your high schooler acquires their license, there is movement toward the new reality. Then come August/September, BOOM! It has arrived! And then there are welcome exceptions to it all. Expect the unexpected we always say.

Both of us spent the weekend with our college aged boys…how funny is that? Granted, both Claudia and Jill’s sons attend school less than 2 hours from home so a visit is fairly easy. Many parents don’t have that luxury…we both appreciate how fortunate (?) we are. In between attending a university reception and visiting her son’s apartment for the first time in over a year, Claudia has taken up the sport of golf. So in addition to being an avid sports fan, she has gotten in the game herself. A great example of how being in the empty nest opens up so many new possibilities. When Claudia announced her new hobby to a group of friends everyone shook their heads and said, “you go girl!” This is the perfect time to explore new interests, hobbies, and even consider a career change.

During Jill’s weekend, her home was literally filled with the sound of music as all 16 members of her son’s a cappella group took up residence for their annual retreat. In between rehearsing and harmonizing there was lots of eating, preparing, and talking; Jill enjoyed the moment of once again being included, no matter how temporary. It is those times you realize that you are always going to be needed in some way, it is just important to remain flexible and go with the flow. And in a true blast from the past, it was an opportunity to celebrate her son’s recent 20^th birthday with all his friends. Who says you can’t go home again?

Join Jill and Claudia for the October 27, 2009 show @ 11AM PT on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters, when they talk with Katrina Kenison, author of The Gift of an Ordinary Day. They also review the new buzzed about film, "Precious", staring Mo'Nique and an unrecognizable Mariah Carey. As always, if you cannot listen live every show is available 24/7 in the www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters archives or on itunes!

Leaving On A Jet Plane

The empty nest is a description of a certain time of life but in reality we never ever stop being parents, no matter where are children are in their lives.

This past weekend was a perfect example of the complicated nature of our new parental identity. For many universities around the country, it was parent’s weekend, the time in fall (before the weather turns unbearably cold in most parts of the country) where first year college students introduce their families to campus life. It can be overwhelming ….vacuum cleaners and windex are not found in the average dorm room….but a great opportunity to observe how your son or daughter is adapting to their new environment. The various colleges put on a polished show, most likely with an eye towards future fund raising, and a good time is had by most!

The empty nesters did not have a parents weekend to attend but enjoyed their independence and traveled from the heat of Los Angeles to considerably colder points east; Claudia to Chicago and Jill to New York. Claudia celebrated her birthday in the windy city and watched USC defeat Notre Dame in a nail biter of a competition. Jill attended a mini high school reunion and visited with family and friends during a whirlwind of a weekend. Cell phones and Blackberrys meant Claudia and Jill were only a phone call, text or BBM away, if needed. The ease of communication has meant we often remain involved in the lives of our children wherever they may be. Whether this is a good or a bad thing will be determined in the future, but there is no doubt that these days the role of an empty nester is not easy to define.

Join the empty nesters Wednesday morning, Oct 21 @ 11AM PT on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters when they talk with Dr. Rob DeStefano, author of Muscle Medicine: The Revolutionary Approach to Maintaining, Strengthening, and Repairing Your Muscles and Joints.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

The empty nest was the hot topic of conversation at a recent luncheon attended by 10 women in various stages of the nest. Many were new members of the “empty nesters club”, while others were old pros. One woman told us both her children are students in England and another guest had two married sons and grandchildren to spoil! Several were mothers of recent college graduates who moved back home after graduation.

Everyone admitted that for months leading up to the “big event,” they were emotional about the changes but within a few weeks adjusted quite well, thank you very much, to the new paradigm at home. The inability to walk past an empty bedroom without boxes of tissues was shortly followed by an AHA moment….those interesting classes at a local college were finally possible, new career or philanthropic ventures opened up, and the flexibility to travel more often were all positive outcomes. Renewing relationships with partners was another common theme.

By far the most important factor in being a successful empty nester: if our child is happy and content in their new environment we are happy and content! Another reminder that no matter what stage of life our sons or daughters find themselves, marriage, college, successful career we never stop being a mom or dad.

This transitional stage in life opens up many exciting possibilities for our children and us....they get to grow into adults away from our watchful eyes and while we miss our kids one of the life lessons we taught them that life goes on, surely applies to us as well.

Bottom line, the empty nest is not an end but a beginning of new possibilities for everyone.

Join the empty nesters on Wednesday, October 14 @ 11AM PT on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters when we talk with LA Times national correspondent Robin Abcarian to hear the stories behind the stories.

Falling Leaves and the Empty Nest

As the heat of summer begins to fade (except here in Southern California where Santa Anas are driving temperatures into triple digits) and fall is officially here, most empty nest parents have started to adjust to their oddly quiet homes.

There are exceptions, of course. If your birthday falls between the beginning of school and Thanksgiving, it feels weird not to have your son or daughter around to celebrate. Granted, the past few years they have probably left to join friends as soon as the last bite of dessert is consumed at the celebratory dinner…but their absence is conspicuous.

The Fall TV season is a big reminder that someone is missing from the home. Some shows were family favorites and it feels strange to watch Grey’s Anatomy or 24 with a familiar body absent from the room. After awhile you do get used to the change… but even after a few years of empty nesting, once in awhile some pangs still find their way into the heart.

In the Jewish faith, this time of year is known as the High Holidays. It is the New Year on the Jewish calendar (5770 to be exact) and a time for reflection leading up to the day of repentance, Yom Kippur. After many years of dinners and religious observances together as a family, there is a real void at home. You cannot help but wonder how much, if any, family traditions are brought to college and what new rituals may become important.

This transitional process is ongoing through the year but especially strong during this season. As we have said before the four years of college bring changes to everyone in the family and all of us should expect the unexpected.

Have any sleep issues during this empty nest transition? Join Claudia and Jill tomorrow morning, 11AM PT on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters where their special guest will be sleep expert Michael Breus, Phd.

No Lies, No Insults, No Threats

September is the month it sinks in that we really are empty nesters. Most college students (at least those on semester schedules) are settled into their new surroundings and by mid-month the reality of the transition hits like a ton of bricks. Our “babies” are developing new lives, friends, and interests away from the warm cocoon of home. Going forward, where do we fit in their lives?

It makes us wonder what young adults thought about the events of this past week, if at all, and whether their response might have been different if they were home.

Firstly, a United States Congressman interrupted the President of the United States during a speech to a joint session of Congress on national TV.

Secondly during her semifinal match at the US Open, Serena Williams objected to a foot fault call by a linesperson and physically threatened the poor woman, again on national TV for all to see.

Then Kanye West spontaneously interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the MTV awards because he thought Beyonce should have won. As classless as Kanye was, that is how much class Beyonce and Taylor showed later in the show.

In each case the person eventually apologized. Sincere or hand in the cookie jar? Your guess is as good as ours. We would hope each apology was heartfelt. What if your young adult child behaved with an equally troublesome lack of civility? Would you stand back and encourage them to take responsibility for their own actions, would you force them to “do the right thing,” or would you ignore the situation altogether? As this school year progresses our role as parents continues to evolve and be redefined. Who said being an empty nester was easy? Join the conversation on www.blogtalkradio.com/emptynesters @ 11AM PT every Wednesday!